and my hilariously beautiful life...

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

The Friendly Ape Man

     I shouldn't have done it, but I did.  I made fun of the extremely hairy guy wearing no shirt.  My friends and I were waiting in a loooooong line, on the hottest day of the year, at Cedar Point.  He was there, just a few people ahead of us, and he was as furry as an ape.  In fact,  I think that's what we were calling him, "Ape Man".  I'm not sure if it was heatstroke or God striking me down for teasing, (leaning towards heatstroke, the doctor at the Cedar Point clinic shares my inclination) but I suddenly got very lightheaded, and next thing I knew, Ape Man was kneeling on the ground and had me in his arms.  "Yer friends said you was a goin' down so I thought ya might like to have yer skull in one piece win ya woke up.  How ya feelin' lil' lady?"  What a nice hairy man.  I deeply regret the unkind things I said about him, especially after he caught me mid-faint.  He stayed with me too, until the mini golf cart ambulance (complete with siren) took me to the wonderfully air-conditioned clinic, where I played poker with the Bernstein  Bears (Sister's not as sweet as she puts on) and received free food coupons for the rest of the day.  Ahh, Good times, good times.  I wish I could say that is the most embarrassing faint story of my life, but alas, there are others that surpass it still.  (I guess I'm a little too calm sometimes, as my blood pressure tends to run VERY low.  Also, needles make me very sleepy and I occasionally take brief naps upon the sight of them.)  

  I know, I know, I always get this from you guys.  "WHY ARE YOU TELLING US THIS?"  Hmm.  Well, I guess it was because I was reminded of this as my air conditioner in the car went out.  Not a big deal unless it's 90 degrees outside and your windows don't go down.  So, it was kind of a big deal.  (Never fear, it is an easy fix and we have another car someone just gave to us.  It's one of those fancy Lincoln Continentals with air and everything.  I mean EVERYTHING.  Where was I.... ?

  Oh yes,  I was wanting to talk more about passing out.  There will be moments in life when it seems like  we can't handle anything else, and you feel like that toy that has the batteries dying.   You can tell  it's about to kick when the alphabet song starts to sound like the soundtrack to the latest Steven King movie.
   The Bible, (how predictable, right?) gives us clear instruction on what to do when we feel too weary move forward, or even stand up, without falling down.  It says.

       but those who hope in the LORD
       will renew their strength.
       They will soar on wings like eagles;
       they will run and not grow weary,
       they will walk and not be faint. - Isaiah 40:31

Can I confide something to you?  Michael and I felt completely inadequate today.  There was too much of the ministry, and the housework, and the parenting, and the budgeting, and the MAJOR decision making, etc,  for us to handle.  We felt overwhelmed.  Michael had the bright idea to stop everything and put our trust in God.  We took turns shouting Bible verses and thanking God for taking care of all that stuff.  Before long we were so pumped up about life that we knocked everything out! We even had fun doing it.  So, I encourage you to do the same.  If you don't know any Bible verses, start with the one above.  It works.  I promise.

Goodnight, Friends,


P.S.  I know you want to know why my friends didn't catch me when I fainted.  I want to know too.

P.P.S.  You really do reap what you sow.  My husband is shaping up to look just like that guy.


  1. Hey, honey. Great content, as usual. I knew you could write all along...or at least for the last month. I really like it when you write stories that have me in them. Yours truly,


  2. :) Loved the story sweety...i take it Michael is home!

  3. Carl "CJ" JohnsonMay 26, 2010 at 10:18 PM

    OK, you know I gotta comment on this. Being in a worldwide competition for the thickest natural sweater, was that guy as furry as me? Think back to camp.

  4. You know, CJ, I think you may have him beat. Except for your shoulders. He wins the shoulder competition. Sorry.

    @ Gloria...Thanks AGAIN!

    @Michael... I heart you.

  5. It is awesome when God has those of us as believers read things at just the right times in our lives. I am not always able to read your blog the same day that you post, but without fail when I get the chance to do it God speaks to me through your words and at just the exact time that I need it.... THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for being so open and allowing God to work thru you in every way possible. Isiah 40:31 is going to be the verse I shout all day long today as it has got to be my heart view on things and it will be... love you,


If you enjoyed the blog today, please leave a comment. It's a huge ego-booster for any blogger. We are a needy bunch.